How To Fix Every Political Problem In The United States

Here’s a fun thought experiment to roll around in your brain today.

Last week the news broke that peace-loving Barack Obama has a Kill List of people that he personally reviews and approves. This list includes teenage girls. We also know historically he’s approved the killing of American citizens and the incarceration foreign journalists.

That’s great. Good thing Obama is “better than Bush”.

As usual, conservatives are (correctly) bashing the behavior, when we all know if Bush was doing it, they would applaud it.

It’s just like when there’s a Democrat president, all the liberals immediately stop all the anti-war protests, even if the Democrat president is still fighting the same wars (and in the case of Obama, creating new ones). Then when a Republican president gets into office, the liberals almost instantly start war-protesting again.

It’s all hypocritical, and that’s the problem. It has always been my contention that liberals/progressives and conservatives will never agree (in any meaningful way) on anything.  They’re just going to argue forever while voting people into office who are very simliar.  Nothing in our government will ever really be fixed.

Therefore, the way to solve this is to just split up the United States into about five different countries, each representing one of the five most common forms of political American thought.  That way, everyone could move to the country they liked and be happy.  Much better than the hypocritical and childish “fighting forever” system we have now.

Of course, these five countries would have to make some initial agreements.  They’d have to allow for a grace period, say five years, where they would allow anyone to move from one country to another, to not attack each other, etc.  It would be awesome.  Here are the five countries we could have:

Democratland: Democratland would be run by people like Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and Barack Obama.  This country would have reasonably high taxes, higher for rich people certainly, have a large bureaucratic government, and offer a huge array of “free” government-provided services to it citizens.  It would also use its military to “help” countries all over the world by doing things like attacking warlords, assisting in civil wars, and providing food for the impoverished abroad.  The government would run huge deficits, but it wouldn’t care.  Democratland and its politicians would be secretly controlled by a conglomeration of large banks and everything would (secretly) be done to further the power and continuance of huge corporations in the financial sector.

Progressiveland: Progressiveland would be run by people like Ralph Nader and Michael Moore.  Like Democratland, Progressiveland would have high taxes, and anyone making over about $100,000 would have a flat tax of around 80%, plus a myriad of other taxes.  Wealthy people would be despised.   Labor unions would control all the companies, guns would be illegal (even cops couldn’t use them), and any kind of religion would be frowned upon.  The government would provide food, housing, clothing, healthcare, insurance and a host of other things to anyone who wanted them.  Progressiveland would have no real military to speak of, just a loose security force (with no guns of course).  Things like prostitution, gambling, and drugs would all be legal.  Like Democratland, the government would run huge deficits, but it wouldn’t care.

Neoconia: Neoconia would be run by people like Dick Cheney and John McCain.  Like Democratland, it would secretly be run buy huge corporations like banks and oil companies.  It would have vast, high-tech military that would preemptively strike at countries all over the world “before they strike at us!”.  Tax rates would certainly be lower than Democratland or Progressiveland but still be quite high.  Same with corporate regulation…lower than those two, but still pretty high.  Religion, especially Christianity, would be revered and all scattered over government policy as well as taught in public schools.  Giant corporations would be hailed as the ultimate achievement, and bailouts of these companies would be common.  Patriotism would be paramount in Neoconia and pro-government and pro-corporate propaganda would be extreme. Civil liberties would be limited.

Paleoconservativeland: Paleoconservativeland, or P-Land, would be run by people like Pat Buchanan and Tom Tancredo.  P-Land would have a huge military, but it would never go anywhere.  Instead, it would be placed on the border which would be totally locked-down to foreigners (after the five year grace period of course, which P-Land would hate).  Tax rates would be extremely low and regulation on business also low, however there would never be any governmental bailouts of any kind.  Business and entrepreneurship would be applauded.  Racism would be rampant…gays and minorities would have a very tough time in P-Land.  Not only would gay marriage be illegal, anal sex would be illegal and in many areas premarital sex would also be illegal.  Smoking pot would get you the death penalty.  There would be no public schools…they’d all be run by Christian churches or nonprofits.

Libertaria:  Libertaria would be run by people like Ron Paul and Harry Browne.  There would be no income taxes or property taxes anywhere in Libertaria; there’d perhaps a 5% to 10%  sales tax and that’s it.  There would be no government safety nets or welfare at all and virtually no government services other than police (who would be constantly watched with suspect), a small defensive army, a simple court system, some major roads (most smaller roads would be privately owned…Libertaria would be extremely high-tech so it would be easy), and a few other basics like a fire department, etc.  Like P-Land, there would be no public schools.  Instead they’d be run by nonprofits, companies, co-ops, small local governments, and a few churches (though of many different religions, not just Christian).  There would be a defensive military that would never go anywhere and the borders would wide open…anyone could walk right over any time they wanted as long as they understood they would get zero help from the government.  The government would constantly be running massive surpluses and citizens would often be getting large tax refunds.  Companies would run most everything but unlike Democratland and Neoconia there would be very few, if any, large companies because of fierce free market competition and literally zero corporate assistance from government.  Just about everything would be legal other than the basics like murder, assault, theft, vandalism, and trespassing.

Other Ideas

For this to work and be a true experiment, the initial split-up would have to be somewhat fair.  I.E. the five countries would have to be roughly equal in size and would have to have roughly an equal amount of coastlines for ports. The populations of the countries would initially be different, but like I said, for five years anyone could move to any country they wanted.

Oh, this would be so much fun!  Even better to wait about 30 years to see which countries made it and which ones became cesspools.  Of course I already know which ones would be which, and which one would end up having the highest standard of living for the average income earner, but that would be part of the fun. (Longtime readers already know which country above I would move to almost immediately.)

The reason I think through this stuff is I believe it’s highly likely that at some point states will start pulling away from the union of the US as things slowly deteriorate.  (I have the same opinion of countries in the EU as things worsen over there.)  Massive, consolidated government models have never really worked well long-term.  It’s one of those things human beings have a hard time admitting.

Oh well. Time to get back to my consolidated country with a government that never solves anything.

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1 Comment
  • Steven C.
    Posted at 07:09 pm, 9th August 2020

    Have you considered including the whole Anglosphere in this five-nation split-up?   I think there would have to be a lot of geographic re-sorting of people to make this work.  I suggest “Democratland” should be called “Plutarchia”.   How are the first two countries sustainable with those eternal deficits?  You state that these countries would have equal populations, but would that actually be the case?

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